you're home (you'll never be alone)
by minachandler
Summary: Set at the start of season 4. Barry returns from the Speedforce, and Iris lets him know exactly how much she's missed him. Smut and angst.


When Barry finally comes back from the Speedforce, Iris can't quite believe her eyes.

Barry, _her_ Barry, is standing right in front of her, and in an instant she's in his arms – whether she ran to him or he took a step towards her she's still not quite sure, and all she can register is a dizzy sort of feeling, of relief, of anger and, yes, of course, of love. She can barely hear Cisco talking, or Caitlin and Cynthia shushing him together and Wally laughing, or Joe telling Barry how good it is to see his son again.

She's scared to blink, as if her eyes closing will mean Barry will be taken from her all over again. She doesn't want to let him go, not even for a second, but she does, enough for him to reunite with the rest of the team – her team, the team she's been leading for the last five months without him.

And it's then, as she watches him hug everyone, that it starts to sink in, what he did – to her, to everyone – and anger battles with the relief still burning in her chest, constricting her throat and making it hard for her to breathe. It's not hard, though, for her to stay silent as Barry catches up with everyone. She notices how he stays quiet, too, when they mention what was in the Speedforce, and a pang of guilt goes through her at that, for feeling angry at him when he's surely been through so much. He meets her eyes, then, and an understanding seems to pass between them, because seconds later he says, "Say, guys, can we, uh, meet up tomorrow?"

"God, of course, son, you must be exhausted," Joe says.

Barry makes his way over to Iris, and almost instinctively he puts his arm around her waist and presses a kiss to her temple. "You could say that," Barry says. He turns, then, to Iris, who looks up at him. "You okay?"

"I –" she starts to say, but thankfully Cisco interrupts them by coughing loudly.

"We'll, uh, see you tomorrow, okay?" he says. Iris nods with a grateful smile to him.

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

The team murmur their farewells to Iris and Barry, filing out of Star Labs. Barry notices Cisco and Cynthia are holding hands, and he raises his eyebrows at Iris.

"I see some things have changed," he says, once everyone's gone.

"You could say that," Iris replies.

"Hey," Barry says gently, taking her hand and sitting her down on the nearest chair before bending down so his face is level with hers, and he asks again, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Iris says, but it comes out too quickly and Barry closes his eyes before slowly getting to his feet, his head in his hands. When at last he looks up his eyes are filled with guilt.

"I fucked up, didn't I." It's not really a question. Not when the answer is written all over Iris's face.

"No, you didn't," she says automatically. "You did what you had to when you went into the Speedforce. I get that."

"But..."

"But I – I _mourned_ you, Bear. I thought you were as good as dead. I didn't think there was any way of getting you out of the Speedforce and I –" She breaks off now, though, because tears spurt from her eyes uncontrollably. He's by her side in a flash, kneeling once more, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "Truly. I wish there could have been – some other way."

"All that time you were trying to stop Savitar, you kept saying how much it would kill you if something happened to me. But don't you realise – the same applies to me? Couldn't you have at least, I don't know, consulted me before you decided to sacrifice yourself?"

"There was no time. The city – it needed someone in the Speedforce for it to be stable. I didn't mean – I would never intentionally hurt you, Iris."

Iris sighs. "I know you wouldn't. And I'm sorry too."

Barry shakes his head. "You don't ever have to apologise to me."

She smiles gratefully at that. "But still. I don't want to – put this all on you when you've just come back and probably been through the worst time of your life. It doesn't matter, anyway. You're back now. That's all I care about."

"But –"

"But nothing," she interrupts. "You're okay, safe and sound, and the universe isn't hanging precariously in the balance. I'm gonna go ahead and take the win." She stands up and holds her hand out to Barry, who takes it and gets to his feet.

"So… what now?" he asks.

"Now you come home," Iris says firmly. "Where you belong."

He reaches out, strokes her cheek. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah," Iris whispers, fingers wrapping around his hand, "I know."

"I'm glad," he says quietly, and after a few seconds, he takes her hand and speeds them to their apartment together.

"I've missed you doing that," Iris says. "I've missed a lot of things, to be honest."

Barry gives the loft a cursory once-over, letting go of her hand and walking around. "I see you didn't change anything."

"I didn't have the heart to," she admits. "Did you miss it?"

"Not as much as I missed you," Barry says, but to her surprise he keeps his distance and doesn't quite meet her eyes.

She makes her way over to him, then, and impulsively her arms wind around his neck, and though initially Barry stiffens he then relaxes, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

"Yeah?" she says.

"Yeah," he replies. "So much. But more than that. You – kept me going. Memories of you. Of us. It was like – as long as I remembered you, I would be all right."

And it's impossible not to kiss him then, after he says that. It starts off slow, sweet, then gets deeper, as Iris coaxes his mouth open with her tongue.

He's still in the suit he was wearing when he entered the Speedforce, and Iris takes off his jacket just before she jumps up to wrap her legs around his waist. He takes several steps backwards, pushing open the door to their bedroom, until he lowers himself onto the bed beneath Iris. She pushes at Barry's chest roughly, undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt and tossing them aside. Seconds later her shirt joins the pile, and Barry reaches up, wanting to undo her bra clasp, but she can feel his hands trembling against the small of her back and she raises her eyebrows questioningly.

"You okay, Bear?" she asks. The last time he was that shaky was during their first few times together.

"Yeah, I just..."

"Hey," she says, cradling his cheek, "we don't have to. You know that, right?"

"I want to," he tells her. "It's just… been a while."

She grins, though, which is clearly not what Barry expects. "In that case," Iris says, "we'll have to do plenty of practice. But, uh, in the meantime –" She reaches behind her and undoes the clasp of her bra. Breasts freed, she enjoys the starved look on Barry's face as he drinks her in, and even after all this time – _especially_ after all this time – she can feel her skin heating up at his burning gaze.

Barry manages to get the zipper of her jeans down, though it takes three attempts. Finally, their clothing is shed, and he flips her over so he's on top of her now, so his mouth can properly enclose her nipple while his hand strokes the inside of her thigh. Iris arches her back, just as Barry's lips leave her breast and work their way up her neck to her mouth.

"God, _Iris_ ," he whispers, and the sound of her name from his lips sounds like a prayer. She moans needingly, hand searching below his waist and finally wrapping around him, making him groan. And _God_ has she missed that sound most of all, of Barry, her Barry, falling apart just by what she did with her hands and lips and tongue. His fingers inch inside her, going slow, gentle, and it's simultaneously the most agonising and pleasurable experience of her life, feeling his long, nimble fingers vibrate in the way he knows she loves. She comes in no time, panting.

"I love you," she says breathlessly. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I missed you so much," he says again, and he groans as she palms him and he thrusts forwards into her hand. She repeats the movement, and she laughs lightly when he comes on her thighs, far quicker than she thought he would.

"I can tell," she teases, just as Barry rolls onto his side so he can wrap his arm around her bare waist.

"I don't know how I went a day without you."

"I'm not sure how I went so long without you either," Iris says, and unbidden her mind goes to those dark days when she curled up on the couch and cried her heart out, wishing Barry could hear her. She barely registers a solitary tear rolling down her cheek, not until Barry gently brushes it away.

"Hey. I love you more than anything. And from now on you'll never be alone again."

She can't help but kiss him at that, sure he's tasting tears, but he doesn't seem to care as he kisses her back, with equal fervour.

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart," Barry says solemnly.

Iris smiles, now, and says, "Promise me something else?"

"Anything."

Sitting up, she clambers on top of him so she's straddling his waist, and she can feel his warm hands slide up her hips. "Promise me we won't stop until we pass out."

And this time Barry smiles, and it's the most beautiful thing on earth for Iris, possibly what she's missed the most in the last five months, because his eyes light up and the corners of his mouth upturn and his nose scrunches a little, and damn if that doesn't totally do it for her too.

It takes them a while to properly find their rhythm, but when they do it's total bliss, feeling Barry inside her as he trembles towards his second and then third orgasm. She marks his arms and back with the half-moon indentations of her fingernails, lightly bites the inside of his thigh and when he takes her for the third time that night her teeth sink into the flesh of his shoulder and she thanks her lucky stars that her fiancé is a speedster with stamina.

They eventually do pass out, but around sunrise Iris is woken from her pleasant slumber by Barry yelling Eddie's name in his sleep.

"Bear?" she says blearily. She puts her hand on his bare back as he sits up in bed, and he closes his eyes at her touch.

"Bad dream," he mutters.

"Yeah, no kidding. Come on," she says, getting up and pulling on her silk kimono, "I'll make you something to eat and we can talk, okay?"

And when she extends her hand to him he takes it automatically, getting out of bed and pulling on some underwear before following her to the kitchen.

She makes him French toast, his favourite, and he seems calmed by her cracking eggs and spooning sugar and the faint sizzle of oil as she fries the bread.

"Thank you," he says gratefully as she tosses the first of several slices of bread onto a plate.

"And here was me thinking if you ever came home you and I could finally have a decent night's sleep," she says lightly, flipping over the bread.

"I'm sorry," he says, but she shakes her head.

"You don't have to be sorry, Barry. And – you don't have to tell me what happened in the Speedforce either. Not yet. Not if you're not ready."

There's silence for several long moments, apart from the sizzle of the fry pan and the sound of Barry eating. She puts another slice of French toast on his plate, but to her surprise he doesn't immediately start eating it.

"I – had a nightmare about one of my first days in the Speedforce. It's complicated – time passes differently there, and the Speedforce manifests in different people."

"One of those people being Eddie."

He nods. "Yeah. Except it wasn't… reassuring to see him. Because it was Eddie in his last moments, with him bleeding out from where he shot himself with the gun still in his hand."

And she tries, she really tries, but it's impossible for her eyes not to fill with tears at the memory. Immediately Barry gets to his feet and hugs her, and she buries her face in his bare chest.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs. "Sorry you had to be put through that."

"No, I brought it on myself. I know that. And I was – atoning. Making up for what happened in Flashpoint. It makes sense that the Speedforce would remind me of my sins."

"What happened to Eddie was not your fault," Iris says firmly. "You know that. The only person responsible for his death is Eobard Thawne."

Suddenly he speeds to the stove, flipping over the French toast just in time, and then in a matter of seconds he's fried the remaining slices of bread. "You want some?" he asks.

Iris shakes her head. "All for you. I just – Barry, you've got to remember. Eddie did what he did because he was a hero. My hero."

"Mine too," Barry says quietly. "He was a good person."

"So are you," Iris reminds him. "Regardless of what the Speedforce convinced you of."

He sighs, swallowing a mouthful of bread. "What did I ever do to deserve you, Iris West?"

She smiles back. "You asked a scared little girl to play with you in kindergarten and she said yes. Speaking of –"

Iris opens a nearby drawer, opening a box in it and revealing her engagement ring. Barry gets to his feet, takes a couple of steps towards her, and the last vestiges of his anguish seem to melt away in his smile.

"So I take it you still want to be Iris West-Allen?" he asks.

"I told you, Barry. I've _always_ been Iris West-Allen."

She lets him put the ring on her, and his hands are shaking as he does so, and when he finally has it on her finger she hugs him, the soft swell of her breasts pressing against his chest as he kisses the top of her head.

And she knows they've got a way to go, but they'll get there eventually.

After all, he's home.


End file.
